online diary

july 9

feeling weirdly calm today even though nothing changed

july 8

to the six of you. i don’t even know what this is. maybe a breakdown. maybe something honest for once. maybe both. existing near you felt weird. like being there but never really there. like laughing too loud just so you’d notice. like pretending not to care when it was all i could think about. some of you made me feel everything. some of you made me feel nothing. both hurt in different ways. i don’t think any of you ever really saw me. not the full version. not the me who overthinks texts. not the me who replays convos at 3am. not the me who gets quiet when she’s falling apart. and i’m not blaming you. we’re all just trying to make it through whatever this life thing is. but it still sucked sometimes. sitting in a room full of people who knew my name but not my silence.maybe i loved some of you. maybe i still do. maybe it wasn’t love but something that felt close enough. you don’t have to say anything. this isn’t a cry for attention. it’s just me existing out loud for once. because i’m tired of holding it in and acting like i’m fine when i’m barely holding myself together. so if you read this and think it’s about you. it is.

july 7

tried to focus but my mind kept drifting everywhere

july 6

i wanted to say something real but stopped myself

july 5

the silence was louder than usual today

july 4

watched the sky turn colors and felt a little hopeful

july 3

i felt tired but didn’t want to sleep

july 2

sometimes i wonder what people really see in me

july 1

july started and i’m still figuring things out

june 30

the day felt heavy but i kept moving anyway

june 29

i smiled today even though it was hard

june 28

felt like disappearing but stayed anyway

june 27

sometimes the quiet scares me more than noise

june 26

i tried to find peace but it slipped away

june 25

the world keeps spinning and so do i

june 24

i caught myself smiling without knowing why

june 23

some days i’m okay some days i’m not

june 22

i’m tired but still here breathing

june 21

today was messy but i survived

june 20

i’m learning to be gentle with myself

june 19

sometimes i laugh to hide the cracks

june 18

the silence was heavy today

june 17

i’m still figuring things out day by day

june 16

i wanted to disappear but showed up instead

june 15

some days feel like a battle but i keep going

june 14

i’m holding onto hope even when it’s fragile

june 13

today felt heavy but i survived it

june 12

i’m learning to accept that some days are harder than others

june 11

watched the clouds drift and wished i could do the same

june 10

i smiled at a stranger and it felt like magic

june 9

i’m tired but not giving up yet

june 8

some days i’m quiet some days i’m loud

june 7

today was a quiet kind of beautiful

june 6

i’m learning to trust my own voice

june 5

the nights feel long but i’m still here

june 4

sometimes i feel lost but that’s okay

june 3

i’m trying to let go of what i can’t control

june 2

today was slow but i kept moving

june 1

june started quietly but with a spark inside me

may 31

sometimes it’s okay to not have all the answers.

may 30

i’m learning to be softer with myself each day.

may 29

the little things still catch me off guard.

may 28

today felt heavy but i kept going.

may 27

i’m tired but not giving up yet.

may 26

some days i’m quiet some days i’m loud.

may 25

i caught a glimpse of hope today.

may 24

learning to accept myself as i am.

may 23

sometimes i just want to disappear.

may 22

i’m holding onto moments that matter.

may 21

the nights feel long but i’m still here.

may 20

today was messy but i survived.

may 19

sometimes i laugh to cover pain.

may 18

i’m learning to trust my own voice.

may 17

quiet moments are my refuge.

may 16

some days feel like a battle.

may 15

i’m tired but hopeful.

may 14

the world feels both big and small.

may 13

sometimes i just need to be still.

may 12

i’m learning that healing takes time.

may 11

the silence is louder on some days.

may 10

i smiled today even though it was hard.

may 9

i’m trying to let go of the past.

may 8

the night feels safe even when it’s dark.

may 7

some days i feel lost but i keep moving.

may 6

i’m learning to be kind to myself.

may 5

today was a quiet kind of beautiful.

may 4

sometimes i’m scared but i’m still here.

may 3

i’m trying to find light in the dark.

may 2

some days are harder than others.

may 1

may started with quiet hope inside me.

april 30

sometimes all i want is to disappear for a while.

april 29

i’m learning that healing isn’t linear.

april 28

today i felt small but not invisible.

april 27

sometimes i’m scared of how much i care.

april 26

the quiet moments hurt the most.

april 25

i’m trying to find peace in the chaos around me.

april 24

i laughed today even though it was hard.

april 23

i’m still learning to trust myself.

april 22

sometimes i feel like i’m too much and not enough at the same time.

april 21

i’m holding onto hope even when it’s fragile.

april 20

i felt tired but kept moving forward anyway.

april 19

today was a reminder that i’m still here.

april 18

sometimes i need to rest without feeling guilty.

april 17

i’m learning to be gentle with myself.

april 16

i smiled today even though it was hard.

april 15

i’m tired but hopeful.

april 14

i’m still figuring things out day by day.

april 13

sometimes i just want to scream into pillows.

april 12

today felt heavy but i survived it.

april 11

i’m learning to love my quiet moments.

april 10

the world keeps turning and so do i.

april 9

sometimes i feel lost but that’s okay.

april 8

i’m trying to let go of what i can’t control.

april 7

i smiled at a stranger and it felt like magic.

april 6

today was a quiet kind of beautiful.

april 5

i’m learning to be patient with myself.

april 4

sometimes i just need to breathe.

april 3

today was slow but i kept moving.

april 2

i’m tired but still hopeful.

april 1

april started quietly but with a spark inside me.

march 31

i’m tired of pretending. maybe tomorrow i’ll be honest.

march 30

the sun was too bright but i still looked up.

march 29

i’m learning that silence can be both heavy and healing.

march 28

felt a little less alone today. maybe that’s progress.

march 27

i’m still figuring out how to breathe through the noise.

march 26

watched the clouds drift and wished i could do the same.

march 25

sometimes i’m okay. sometimes i’m not. both are true.

march 24

i caught myself smiling without knowing why.

march 23

words fail me but my heart keeps speaking.

march 22

i’m tired of the chaos but i’m scared of the quiet too.

march 21

i’m learning to hold my own hand in the dark.

march 20

the night is long but so am i.

march 19

today was messy but i survived it anyway.

march 18

i wanted to disappear but instead i showed up.

march 17

i’m learning to be gentle with my mistakes.

march 16

sometimes i’m loud even when i want to be quiet.

march 15

the days blur but i’m still here.

march 14

i’m holding onto hope even when it feels fragile.

march 13

i’m tired but still trying.

march 12

i’m learning to accept that some days are harder than others.

march 11

i wished for peace and got a quiet storm instead.

march 10

i’m still searching for pieces of myself in the chaos.

march 9

sometimes i laugh to cover up the cracks.

march 8

i’m learning to be okay with not being okay.

march 7

i don’t have all the answers but i’m still asking questions.

march 6

i held onto the small moments today like treasures.

march 5

sometimes silence says more than words ever could.

march 4

i felt the weight of loneliness but didn’t let it win.

march 3

the world keeps spinning and so do i.

march 2

i’m tired but i’m still here breathing.

march 1

march began with a quiet hope inside me.

february 28

i feel like i’m forgetting how to be easy with myself. like i’m always holding back.

february 27

the cold is sharper than usual. maybe it’s just me getting softer.

february 26

i rewrote the same sentence ten times and still deleted it all.

february 25

someone said my name today like they actually meant it. it shook me.

february 24

the sky was gray but my thoughts were louder.

february 23

i put on music and almost danced but stopped because the world felt too big.

february 22

sometimes i want to scream into pillows. sometimes i just whisper to myself.

february 21

i forgot what happiness felt like. trying to find it again in tiny moments.

february 20

the silence in my room is louder than any noise outside.

february 19

i wrote a letter to no one and still haven’t sent it.

february 18

the days blend but i remember the way light hit my window this morning.

february 17

i smiled at a stranger today. it felt like a secret we shared.

february 16

sometimes my thoughts spiral and sometimes they rest. i’m learning to hold both.

february 15

i’m tired but i keep moving. maybe that’s enough.

february 14

valentines day felt like a whisper. i didn’t mind the quiet.

february 13

sometimes i want to disappear just to see who notices.

february 12

my thoughts are a mess of colors i can’t name.

february 11

i watched the rain and felt like it was crying for me.

february 10

today was a quiet kind of sad that doesn’t need words.

february 9

i wanted to say something but the words got stuck in my throat.

february 8

i felt the weight of my own thoughts like a heavy coat.

february 7

some days i’m loud. most days i’m quiet. both feel like survival.

february 6

i tried to find peace in the chaos but it slipped through my fingers.

february 5

i caught my reflection and barely recognized myself.

february 4

the world felt too fast today. i wanted to slow down time.

february 3

i whispered secrets to the night and hoped they stayed safe.

february 2

there’s a tiredness in my bones i can’t explain.

february 1

started february hoping for something different but feeling the same.

january 31

i think i’m starting to feel again. it’s weird. and a little scary.

january 30

someone said something kind. i didn’t know how to take it.

january 29

i looked up at the moon. it made me feel small in a safe way.

january 28

i don’t know who i am without the noise around me.

january 27

today dragged. everything felt like molasses.

january 26

i wanted to write something deep but my mind is blank.

january 25

my reflection felt like a stranger again.

january 24

i miss people i haven’t even met yet.

january 23

i laughed today. it felt foreign. but nice.

january 22

i’m tired of pretending everything is normal. it’s not.

january 21

i wanted to disappear for a while. not forever. just enough.

january 20

i wore something i liked today. no one said anything. it’s fine.

january 19

nothing really happened today. but it still felt like too much.

january 18

i saw something beautiful and didn’t know how to react. just stared.

january 17

my brain’s been loud lately. even when i try to sleep.

january 16

i forgot what day it was. again.

january 15

there’s a version of me in my head that’s happier. i miss her.

january 14

i thought about reaching out. then didn’t.

january 13

i talked a lot today. none of it felt real.

january 12

everything felt like background noise today. including me.

january 11

i stayed in bed too long. time feels blurry lately.

january 10

someone smiled at me today. and i didn’t know what to do with it.

january 9

i wanted to cry but nothing came out. just static in my chest.

january 8

my room was too quiet. like the silence was mocking me.

january 7

tea didn’t taste right today. maybe it’s me.

january 6

i remembered something random from last year and it hit harder than expected.

january 5

i said ‘i’m fine’ and no one questioned it. classic.

january 4

the sky looked like it was holding in tears. i kind of related.

january 3

i kept checking my phone. even though i knew no one was going to say anything.

january 2

i smiled at something small today. it felt weird. like a glitch in my usual state.

january 1

woke up and everything felt heavier than it should. like gravity was personal today.